Life without Perseus
by TeamDowager
Summary: Downton is left reeling from the Season 3 finale. Exploring the characters reaction of the death of Matthew Crawley. How will Mary take the news and recover and how will the rest of the family support her. This is my first fan fiction, so please give positive or negative feedback as you see fit! Thanks for reading.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One - The longest day

It had been what seemed like the longest two days of her life. Lady Cora Grantham anxiously lay awake. She looked longingly at her husband Lord Grantham, sleeping next to her. His face looked years older in a matter of a few days. She was a bit envious that he was able to sleep, but alas it was for the best.

"_My darling you need your rest for the days ahead."_ She thought. Cora knew she was not to be as lucky. Her mind simply refused to be quieted. Perhaps after the funeral of dear Matthew, she would ask Doctor Clarkson for the sleep aid he had already given to Isobel and Mary. She doubted Mary would use the sleep aid. She knew how terribly stubborn her daughter was.

Cora could not take her mind of the events of the last few days. The scene replayed over and over in her mind. The family waited excitedly for the arrival of their dear Matthew with news of the baby. The wait seemed to last an eternity and Robert and the Violet kept babbling on about how blessed they were to have TWO healthy heirs.

When the words escaped Robert's lips, Cora felt a tinge of sadness. At the time she didn't understand what it was, she assumed it was attributed to dear Sybil. Isobel had noticed Cora's facial expression and smiled stating "this is a joyous occasion for us all. Dearest Cora, you will see, when you hold that darling boy in your arms and see his proud and loving parents."

The wait for Matthew seemed like an eternity, Robert kept thinking to himself, "What on earth is keeping our dear boy?"

After waiting some time, Carson entered the library. "My lord, Dr. Clarkson has arrived with news…" There was a great gasp and then silence. Doctor Clarkson walked in. His visage was very grave and seemed almost lost.

Cora stood up to greet Dr. Clarkson, "Doctor Clarkson, what ever is the matter? Is it Mary? or the Baby?" Cora's heart nearly stopped, had Mary the same complications of her sister Sybil. Isobel put her arm around Cora to steady her. Was the day in Duneagle the last time she would see her eldest daughter alive? Cora closed her eyes bracing for the worst.

"Lord Grantham, I come, to tell you..." Doctor Clarkson trailed off, looking at the floor to compose himself, "You may want to sit down."

"Out with it man, what on earth is going on?" Lord Grantham picked up the look of fear in Doctor Clarkson's eyes and pounced on the moment.

"Lord and Lady Grantham, Mrs. Crawley, the baby and mother are quite all right and well at the hospital." There was an audible sigh of relief from the Dowager.

Dr. Clarkson continued, "I come to you with entirely different but yet, shockingly tragic news about Mr. Crawley."

The shriek from Isobel still rung in Cora's ears as Doctor Clarkson stated, "Mr. Crawley was dead." This time, Cora stepped to catch Mrs. Crawley from collapsing into the floor. She guided Isobel to the red couch. Cora's heart sank she embraced Isobel, as she never thought she would, "I know my dear, I know" she soothed.

The family stood in shock for a moment, the Dowager, who rarely displayed any emotion in public stated "how can this be? On such a day that should be joyous...? Our dearest Matthew gone?! Does Mary know?"

Doctor Clarkson looked directly at the Dowager, "She does not. As far as she knows, Matthew is busily sharing the news with you all. I came directly here after tending to Matthew's accident and I can assure you, he did not suffer, he went suddenly." Looking then at Isobel.

Isobel, looked up at the Doctor, "Thank you for that. Matthew and Mary at least had a happy moment holding his most beautiful son..." she broke into a sob.

Cora, still cradling Isobel, saw a look of both relief and then panic flash across Lord Grantham's normally stoic facade, "Robert, I think we should wait until tomorrow to tell Mary...she must know soon, but let's give her this one day to be happy."

The Dowager, who was rarely short with words quietly stated "I agree, Robert, let's give Mary this one moment, but we must tell her. Poor dear Mary, and Matthew...how can this be?" Carson noticed the Dowager, discretely wipe a tear from her eye. Carson himself had been quite distraught with the news of the young Master.

Cora realized that she must be strong, as deeply saddened as she was, she would need to put up a face, for Mary. "We must go see Mary. She will be expecting us. Carson, can you call the car and ask Mrs. Hughes to prepare a room for Mrs. Crawley."

Isobel, looked up from her tears, "No I mustn't impose..."

Cora looked at her reassuringly, "Dearest Isobel, we will not abandon you in this moment of terrible sadness, you are family, you are Matthew's mother - you will stay with us. You are not alone." She looked put her arms on either shoulder of Isobel, looking her directly in the eyes, "we will get through this together."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two: A Glimpse of Joy

Still wide awake, it was almost 2am by her estimate, Cora recounted the moment, she and Robert entered the hospital room. She had never seen Mary in such a state of joy. Mary was holding this darling child in her arms, as he wrapped his little finger around Mary's hand. Cora could hardly remember, her seeing her daughter so happy and with a brighter smile. For a moment, Cora envied her daughter's ignorance, but then realized, what a terrible shock it would be. That shock would have to wait until tomorrow. Which at this point was only a few hours away. Cora

_Mary deserves this one day._ Cora thought. Carson and the servants were also under strict orders, not to utter a word of Matthew. The cover story was he was preparing a welcome home celebration for mother and child. How cruel that story would become…instead of a celebration to plan, it would be a funeral.

"Mama and Papa, is not this the happiest day in all our lives?" Mary looked up smiling and giggling, "Is he not the most beautiful creature on all God's earth?"

Cora rushed from the door to her eldest daughter, recalling Mary's own birth, "Yes my dearest. He is the most beautiful boy." She sat on the bed next to her daughter and placed her hand on the head of hear beautiful grandson. Lord Grantham, still staying composed, kept his distance. Cora, placed her hand on the boy's forehead. "What an adorable little person. Hello, future Lord Grantham..." she said in a funny voice.

Mary looked at her father, "Papa, what is it, don't you want to meet your grandson as well?" Mary's eyebrows made a joking frown.

"Yes Mary, I would love too." Cora wondered what Robert was thinking, perhaps he like her was trying to forget the dreadful news they had just heard, pretending it was a nightmare, for Mary's sake.

Robert joined Mary on the other side of the bed, "May I hold him?" Mary reluctantly let go of her beautiful child. Her father gingerly lifted the baby into his arms and stared intently into the sleeping child's face. "What a little miracle boy?"

Cora turned to Mary, "Mama, what took so long, where are the others? How did Matthew share the news?" So many questions from her usually quiet daughter.

"Dearest, so many questions, you must be tired." Cora responded.

"Mama, thank goodness for Isobel. I was so deeply worried, for all I wanted was Matthew by my side. Ironically, Isobel filled the role." Mary smiled, "I was so scared, but I kept calm. It didn't take long, our dearest boy was anxious to come into this world and I feel exhilarated. Nothing could ruin this day."

Cora's heart sank and Robert turned from the child to Mary. "Yes, my eldest child, nothing must ruin this day." Robert stated.

At the moment Mary thought it rather odd. After Robert held the little chap, Cora, took him from her arms. She remembered holding her own children. And in that moment, she was truly happy for Mary and for this boy.

"Have you and...Matthew thought of names?" Cora asked, trying not to sound awkward.

"Mama, Matthew and I actually have. It's rather odd and a-typical of us. But we've been so terribly excited for our little prince to arrive. If we had a boy, we thought we'd name him George Matthew Crawley."

"George, what a perfect name, the first Earl of Grantham's name was George." Robert smiled.

"And Matthew of course," Mary recounted, "I hope little George will be just like his darling father Matthew. Dearest Mama, how do I deserve to be so blessed?" Mary looked smiling at her mother, who was cradling the baby.

It kept everything in Cora's power to keep her composure. She wondered how Mary had done it for so long when Matthew was with Lavina. Cora smiled at her daughter and then her grandson, "Yes, we are blessed. We must remember this moment and never take it for granted."

Cora couldn't remember, how she managed to get Mary to get some sleep. Mary had asked numerous times about the other family members and Matthew. Why hadn't he returned, Mary had wondered. Cora had recounted that Dr. Clarkson stated she needed her rest.

Anna had offered to stay for the night, but Mary insisted she go home to her husband Mr. Bates. Cora told Mary that a nurse had been hired and was already settling into Dowton to assist her in the new role of mother. Mary had fallen asleep happy, without a care in the world.

Doctor Clarkson, had let a crib be set-up next to Mary. Cora placed, the boy into the cradle after Mary had fallen asleep. Cora looked longingly at her daughter - "Robert she looks so happy." Cora didn't finish the last part of what she had been thinking, she knew her daughter's world would be ripped out from under her soon enough.

Mary, for all her faults, had redeemed herself through her devotion and love of Matthew. How far she had journeyed from that foolish and high-strung girl who had shamed herself with Mr. Pamuk. Cora realized how very different she was from her eldest daughter and as she left the hospital, felt a bit reassured, because she knew the one trait she and her daughter held in common was uncommon strength. Mary would be all right, she told herself.

As they rode back to Downton, Cora had clasped her husband's arm, "I don't know how are we are to tell her tomorrow."

Robert looked lovingly at Cora, "Dearest Cora, it will be a terrible moment, but our Mary is strong. She inherits that trait from her mother, and grand mama." Robert attempted to smile.

Cora looked at Robert, "Let's hope she inherited it from Violet." Cora paused for a moment, to collect her thoughts, "I still don't understand. How can this be, such happiness and terrible sadness all in one day? Are we never to be truly happy in this house?"

Robert gingerly took Cora's hand and held it.

That night as they got ready for bed, Robert stared off into the space. The room seemed heavy. How does one share this type of news?

"Robert darling," Cora had broken his trance, "Mary's leaving the hospital tomorrow. We must tell her immediately after breakfast. We can't risk her finding out from someone else. She would never forgive us. "

Robert had a look of shear panic and anguish, "Quite right."


	3. Chapter 3

_A/N:_ _Thanks so much for reading and the reviews! I've made a few updates to this chapter thanks to some excellent feedback. As a disclaimer, I obviously did not create these wonderful characters – that was Mr. Julian Fellows. Hope you enjoy Chapter 3, it's a little longer than the others, but goes deeper into where the characters are. Chapter 4 is coming soon too!_

Chapter Three_: The Butler, the Lady's Maid and the former Chauffer_

Dawn was peaking through the windows in the servant's hall. Carson was working unusually early, having been unable to get a wink of decent sleep the night before. His outside persona seemed the pinnacle of professionalism, but on the inside his heart was in the process of breaking for his favorite child, Lady Mary. He knew that she had not yet heard the unfortunate news and was dreading the moment today when she was to hear it.

As in any crisis, Carson took to his work. He decided that polishing silver would be a good task before the others awoke. Since the family returned several days early, the footman had yet to complete their cleaning tasks for the entire house including leaving out some key pieces of silverware that would be necessary for the days ahead. He carefully wiped the blemishes from the elegant serving bowls, knowing in his heart, this task was needed and helpful to the family he loved. A funeral was coming to Downton and Carson mustn't let anything worry Lord or Lady Grantham.

As he was pulling one of the serving trays from the cabinet, there came a quiet knock on the door. Turning swiftly, Carson was surprised to see, none other than Lady Cora Grantham, dressed all in black.

"Milady, it's not even 6am yet." He set the tray down on the table in front of him and stood at attention.

"Oh Carson," she smiled a little "might I say the same thing to you. Isn't it a little early to be polishing silver?" She paused for a moment and took in a heavy breath, "Might I have a word with you?"

"Of course milady, please do have a seat. Mrs. Patmore should be getting started on breakfast shall I have her prepare you something?"

"No, no, I've already spoken with Mrs. Patmore. This is something rather unorthodox. I was wondering if I might ask you a favor? One of a personal nature…" Cora looked tired, but managed a weak smile.

"Of course, Lady Grantham, I am at your service." Carson wondered what on earth Lady Grantham could want from him at this very early hour.

Cora looked at Carson, sadness filled her eyes, "You see, I know my eldest daughter's heart and I know that today it will be crushed…" she trailed off for a moment, "You see… Mr. Branson has volunteered to take me to the hospital, and Anna and the Dowager are meeting us there, and I wondered if you might accompany us. As we share this dreadful news, I want those who love Lady Mary the most to show her she is not alone and that her beautiful boy, will be surrounded by those who knew and loved Master Crawley as well."

There was a moment of awkward silence, Cora interrupted, "I'd ask Lady Edith and Lord Grantham to join, but they are tending to Cousin Isobel. Who also needs our support in this terrible time. I know this is a rather odd request, but…" Cora looked down at her hands.

"Milady," Carson's voice trembled a bit, he cleared his throat and looked directly at Cora, "Of course, I would be happy to accompany you, the Dowager, Mr. Branson and Anna. I will do whatever in my power to support Lady Mary and her little one."

Cora held her hand out to Carson and he took it, "Thank you Carson. I know this will be difficult, but Lady Mary needs all of us and I know she treasures your presence. It's been one of the few steady things in her life. We leave promptly at 6:45am. I want to make sure we are there when Mary wakes up. She mustn't be kept in the dark any longer." Cora drew her hand back.

"Of course, Milady," Carson replied.

"Carson, you are so good to us." With that, Cora was gone. Carson, himself took a seat. It was rare for the unflappable butler to lose his composure, but he sighed heavily. _I'm only a butler._ He thought.

…

Anna walked slowly from her cottage, through the village just after dawn. Dressed in her usual black, Anna took special care, to wear the golden _Asprey_ heart that Lady Mary had given her while Bates was in prison fighting for his life many years ago. The heart to Anna had been a symbol of hope in a time of deep despair. She wondered how she could provide some warmth to her ladyship during this trying time. She reviewed the previous day's events in her head leading up to right before she left the hospital…

As she was getting ready to go home herself for the evening, Lord and Lady Grantham had pulled her aside to share the news of Mr. Crawley. Anna thought it odd that they would keep Lady Mary in the dark, but she understood their motives. She herself had never seen Lady Mary so happy. The Countess and Earl had been right to give Mary that one-day of ignorance. She had seen the flash of pain in Lady Grantham's eyes and Lord Grantham looked 10 years older in that moment they said, "our dearest Mr. Crawley, Lady's Mary's husband Matthew is gone." Anna had asked her ladyship if there was anything to be done to assist Lady Mary and the family, leaving the questions of "how?" and "when?" for her husband later that evening.

Lady Grantham took Anna's hand, "Anna," Her Ladyship had said gently, "you are one of the closest people in Lady Mary's life. It has been you more than almost anyone who has seen my eldest daughter through the toughest times. She will need you tomorrow." Lord and Lady Grantham had stood looking at Anna hopefully. Anna had of course agreed to help in any way she could.

Anna knew Lady Grantham had been right. Lady Mary and Anna had formed a strange bond leading from that late night when Lady Mary awoke Anna to assist with a certain foreign diplomat. Lady Mary had shared her deepest feelings with Anna in a way that she never could with her flesh and blood family. At the beginning of every day, Anna saw Mary before she put on her emotional mask for the rest of the world. Anna could always read what no one else, aside from Master Crawley and her Ladyship Grantham could see in Mary's eyes. Lady Mary and Anna's relationship was by no means one sided however. Anna had learned to trust Mary and sought her counsel and confidence during the toughest moments in her own life. Lady Mary even put her own neck on the line to support Anna's happiness. It was strange in a way, how an Earl's daughter and a maid could be close friends. Their friendship wasn't in a public way, but in the most important way of all through trust and love.

Anna had returned home that evening and relayed the responsibility that rested on her shoulders, but most of all she felt her own heart breaking. For the better part of the night, she sobbed uncontrollably in her husband's arms. "Poor Lady Mary and Matthew!" were the only words Anna could manage to get out, until she finally had fallen asleep.

As they woke up together Bates had shared some words of wisdom with his wife, "Anna, you know that Lady Mary needs you. When the time comes, you will know what to do. There is no use in dreading what will happen, because the worst is already here. Be strong and do what you think is best. Know that at the end of this awful day, I will be here for you. I'm not going anywhere."

Those words kept repeating themselves over and over again as she walked closer and closer to the hospital. It was nearly 7am and she would be meeting the Dowager and Lady Grantham to break the news. Anna did not know what she dreaded more, the anticipation or the moment she knew that Lady Mary's world would explode into millions of pieces. Anna would be there to help glue the mangled pieces back together.

…

The drive to the hospital was spent in silence. Lady Grantham had invited Carson to sit with her in the backseat and he obliged his ladyship. Tom sat in the driver's seat in his former post. For a split second as they pulled away from Downton at 6:45am, Tom wondered what it would be like to be just the chauffer again. _No pain, no loyalty, and no cares in the world,_ he thought. Almost immediately after he thought it, he cursed himself. He remembered what it was like to be in love with Sybil and how she had given him the greatest gift in the world in their daughter.

It was on the drive, that Tom Branson realized what he had to do. He had experienced the grief that Mary was about to go into. Matthew had become a true brother to him. Through Sybil's death, Mary and Matthew were Tom's strongest supporters. His rock. When he had first arrived at Downton, he thought Mary to be cold hearted and snobbish. How wrong he had been. He learned to love Sybil's Mary who was a loving and strong sister. Mary had opened this side up to Tom, following Sybil's death, advocating for her sister's wishes against her own father.

Tom worried that the news of Matthew's death might destroy the Mary that he had grown to love as well. Tom had lost a wife and now a brother in Matthew, but he refused to lose his dearest friend and daughter's Godmother in Mary.

As they pulled into the hospital entryway, Tom noticed Anna walking toward the Dowager. He knew there was no going back now. Mary would soon hear the worst news of her life.

…

_Thanks for reading, I promise the anticipation of that awful moment will end in the next chapter and the characters post-reeling will move forward. Please review if you feel the need._


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Thanks again for reading. I apologize for the delay in getting this out to you. This was a tough chapter to write. Be warned it is deeply sad. Review positive or negative if you wish. _

Chapter Four: The blow

"Matthew…" A groggy Lady Mary Crawley awoke with her husband's name on her lips. Slowly her eyes opened and she emerged from her dreaming state with an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She couldn't quite remember what she had been dreaming about, but it definitely involved Matthew and George. Her eyes darted to the crib in her room and she sighed to herself, _Stop being ridiculous Mary, you must just be hungry. No need to worry about Matthew._ Her face turned to a smile as she stared at her sleeping son.

"My darling boy…" She said, sitting up gingerly. After all the challenges of the past 10 years, she was truly happy and at peace. At last there would be no more questions of whether her and Matthew's union would produce the rightful heir to Downton. With Matthew's love and his vision of her, as _his _Mary, she knew she would be a good mother. Of course Matthew would be an extraordinary father, teaching their child to be humble yet strong. Mary had so many wishes for her little one and she truly believed they would come to fruition with Matthew by her side.

Mary gently pulled herself from the bed and put on the dressing robe that had been draped on the empty chair next to her. She half expected Matthew to surprise her in the night and to find him sleeping or staring at her as he often did with a bemused look on his face. But alas he was not there.

As happy as she was in this moment, she had a tinge in her heart and that uneasy feeling started to emerge from before.

_Where are you Matthew Crawley? _She thought to herself. _Welcome home party or not, this was not like you to spend so much time away, especially after you were so excited to meet your dearest little chap the day before. _It had been a good 18 hours apart. This was surely not like her dedicated husband.

Mary slowly made her way to the crib. Her body was still a bit deal sore from the day before. But when she saw her little boy the pain seemed to drift away. In his crib, little George's chest rose and fell and his face had the faintest appearance of a smile. Instinctively, but not to disturb him, Lady Mary lifted the baby up in to her warm arms. It felt so good to have him there. Little George stirred a bit, but soon relaxed and stayed asleep.

"My darling boy, what have I done to deserve you?" She whispered, her voice like velvet, "Your papa, is the one who has earned you…not me. He is the noblest among men and also a great deal more whimsical than me. An unsuspecting hero if ever I saw one. Your papa Matthew, brings the best out in all of us and I cannot wait for the time we are going to share together, my dear little one."

Mary took her son and sat back down on the hospital bed, cradling him in her arms. Without awareness of her surroundings, she quietly started humming. She was enthralled by how her little boy was so small was yet so perfect.

"Mary," Cora interrupted. Mary jolted from her trance causing little George to stir… Mary looked up seeing her Mama and the Dowager Countess in the doorway.

"Hello Mama," She paused for a moment, "And, Granny, isn't it a little early for visitors? Has Matthew come with you?" She smiled a little amused to see her Granny up and about so early.

"Oh my darling," Lady Grantham ventured forward to Lady Mary's bed and the Dowager Countess walked slowly behind her. From the doorway, three heads, Anna, Carson, and Tom pushed in. "I hope you don't mind," Cora said breathlessly and mustered a diplomatic smile, "but I brought a few more visitors to see little George."

The Dowager took the seat closest to Lady Mary, and Cora sat on the corner of the bed. Carson, Anna, and Tom kept their distance still peering in from the door, seeming to wait for a signal from either the older or younger Lady Granthams.

Mary sat up straight, "Oh Mama," Mary smiled, looking at Cora, "and so good of you to bring a welcoming party to see little George, but again, isn't a bit early for everyone?" she smirked toward Tom and Carson, "No offense my dear gentlemen, but I'm not terribly decent at the moment." Mary's free hand pulled her dressing robe a little more tightly over her nightgown. The littlest person in the room, baby George wiggled in her arms a bit more.

"Never mind, my dear." Cora looked Mary straight in the eyes, "I just wanted you to know that we are all here for you." Again Cora's tone was breathless.

Mary sensed something a bit odd, but perhaps it was nothing. She felt a little befuddled, but didn't answer as her mother turned toward the door, "Carson, Tom, can you wait down the hall, as we have a private moment and for Lady Mary's own comfort."

"Of course your Ladyship. Mr. Branson and I will be down the hall, when you need us." With that Carson nodded and both him and Tom Branson took their leave of the doorway so that only Anna remained.

Mary still a bit confused was struck by how Carson said "when" instead of "if." Wasn't he here to meet baby George. How could he possibly be needed so early in the morning, except to be running things at Downton?

"Mama, this seems a bit odd, why are _they_ here so early and where is my husband Matthew?" Mary sighed, "Welcome home party or not, I expected him here early." The child may have sensed Mary's harsher tone. Although still soft, there was definitely an edge to her voice – the sweet velvet turned acerbic and Mary's own body subconsciously tensed up from its relaxed state.

The little one awoke and let out a wail. Mary immediately responded, "There, there my little one, " her voice instantly velvet again, "You'll learn to forgive your mama for so many questions and quick retorts. Thankfully your father will help keep me in line, I daresay." Mary smiled at the thought of Matthew. The child miraculously quieted himself, soothed by his mother's voice and went back to sleep.

Lady Grantham sat silent for a moment. _How on earth was this new to be shared?_ She looked upon her beautiful daughter who was now coming into her own as a mother. This was rare side of Mary, one that only little Sybbie had been privy too prior to this moment.

Violet finally broke the moment, "Anna," she motioned to the lady's maid, "Might we trouble you to put little George back in his crib, we've disturbed his sleep enough." Anna came forward, quietly and stoically.

Mary again looked up, at her mother, Granny, and then the approaching lady's maid. Quietly as to not disturb her child again, "What is going on? You all seem a little off to me, as this is a joyous moment, but you all are being so serious. Anna, aren't you happy to see us this beautiful morning? Have you spoken with Matthew yet today?"

"Lady Mary, I am pleased to see you and your beautiful son." Anna bent over to lift the little one from Mary's arms. As Mary handed her child to Anna, she noticed the reflection of a golden heart on Anna's black lady's maid uniform.

The moment George was removed from her arms, she looked at her mother trying not to show her panic, "Mama, what is it? I know something is up. Anna you are wearing that jewel that I gave you, the heart."

Anna turned after she placed George back in his crib, looking at Lady Grantham for approval to speak to Lady Mary. Lady Grantham nodded in approval. "Lady Mary, this heart is a symbol of love and hope. It's especially important for me, because it came from you. It reminds me everyday of how you supported me through the most difficult time in my whole life. On this day especially with the youngest Mr. Crawley new to the world I wanted to demonstrate the good on God's earth." Anna trailed off, trying not to fumble over her heartfelt words, but also trying not to display any anxiety or sadness.

Mary again looked at Anna, "That's it, I know something is going on," She leaned towards her mother, "Must I ask again, why is Granny, Carson, and Tom also here, when my dearest Matthew isn't?" Mary's mouth remained open for a moment. Her face started to reflect a bit of worry.

"Anna," Cora looked up, "Can you fetch Dr. Clarkson, the Dowager and I need a moment alone with Lady Mary…and it would be helpful to know what time we can go home today." Lady Cora stayed in character.

"Certainly, your ladyship," Anna forced a smile and a curtsy, and she then left the room, understanding the deeper meaning in Lady's Grantham's simple request.

"My precious daughter," Cora sighed heavily, and looked at the Dowager Countess, "We have the most dreadful news. Before I share it with you," Cora paused and leaned forward even more, putting her hands on both of Mary's arms, "I want to remind how strong you are. We have difficult times ahead, but you, my beautiful daughter you are resilient...A storm braver if ever I saw one."

Mary straightened her back a little more, bracing herself for what was to come next. Mary instinctively looked down and her brow became furrowed, "Those words, Matthew said those words to me before." Mary was lost for a moment in her own thoughts. That uneasy feeling turned into actual pain in her stomach. _What is going on?_

Violet sensing Mary's uneasiness, sighed and moved closer to her grand-daughter, "Cora's right Mary, you are one of the strongest people I know, stronger than your father in many ways…although I'd never admit it publicly." She chucked to herself, "You will get through this."

Mary's eyes shot straight to Granny and then to her mother. There was actual panic in her eyes, "Get through what?! Pray, tell me Mama, what news do you have that is so dreadful?"

"My precious daughter, the news is about your dearest Matthew. There was a car accident and Matthew is no longer with us."

At first Mary did not believe what her mother was saying, "Mama, what do you mean no longer with us? Who could he possibly be with? Where is my husband?!"

Cora saw a look of raw terror in Mary's eyes; an expression, daresay that she had never seen before in anyone. Cora winced at Mary's expression, for a moment, words could not come out of her mouth. She needed to hold her own tears back and find the language necessary to provide her daughter with the news she needed to know. Cora knew the news had already begun to destroy Mary's world.

"My dear child," Violet interjected, "Our dearest Matthew has died."

Mary looked in horror at the Dowager and that back to her mother. Lady Cora had begun speaking again, but after the words, "Matthew has died," she couldn't seem to hear anything except labored breathing. It was if she was in a daze of pure torment. Cora's lips were moving but no sound was coming out. Mary's face was wet and she was in agony and then came a slow guttural and muffled scream. Mary realized the sound she was hearing was her own voice and the pain she was feeling emanated from her nails digging into her clenched fist covering her mouth.

"Dear God…"Everything suddenly went black.

To be continued…

_A/N. Thanks for reading. This was a hard one to write, dreadfully heartbreaking. Don't worry there is hope in darkness. _


	5. Chapter 5: Sea Monster of her own doing

_A/N My apologies for the delay in getting this chapter out to you. Chapters 6 &7 are already outlined and in the works. Hope you enjoy!_

Chapter 5 – A Sea Monster of her own creation…

Mr. Branson, Anna, and Carson anxiously paced back and forth down the hallway. They occasionally glanced at each other knowing that at any moment a woman they all deeply cared for was going to receive the most terrible news of her life.

_Poor Lady Mary_ Carson thought. He worried that it had been a mistake for Lady Grantham to invite him. He felt absolutely helpless. At least if he had been at Downton, the silver would be polished and there would be one less thing for Lady Grantham to be concerned with.

"Mr. Carson," Anna whispered, "is so good that you are here. I know you feel how I am feeling right now, which is useless." Anna looked to the floor.

Carson put his hand on Anna's shoulder, "We are not useless Anna, Lady Grantham had her reasons. Lady Mary is strong." Carson said this, despite having his doubts.

Anna, Carson, and Branson continued to pace the hallway when Anna abruptly stopped. She sighed heavily and looked straight ahead, arms bent as if she were about to direct something, "I am going to fetch Dr. Clarkson, Lady Grantham had asked me to do so, and you never know, he might be needed." Her arms pointed in the direction of the stairs, and Anna was away.

Carson and Tom Branson returned to their pacing. Branson was unusually silent. So different from the Chauffer he had once been. There was a line down his brow, he seemed intensely focused and ready to react to whatever was coming next. Despite their rocky start, Carson had grown to respect him deeply as one of the family.

And then it came. Carson and Branson stopped in their tracks. It was a sound of utter pain and agony. Carson winced at the sound of Lady Mary's voice. He felt Lady Mary's pain like a dagger through his own chest.

Branson couldn't stand waiting any further, disobeying his mother-in-law's orders he darted towards the hospital room. Carson lost in a moment of despair did not attempt to stop Branson. And all too soon, the terrible agony turned to a horrific scream and Lady Grantham's own voice yell in a moment of shear terror, "Dear God."

Carson decidedly went to seek help like what Anna had done a few minutes earlier. He feared that someone in Lady Mary's room would need medical attention, but did not dare intrude on the Grantham's private horror until called upon. He couldn't bear to see the look on Lady Mary's face or the great irony of a beautiful newborn once again in the midst of incredible cruelty on the part of the universe.

Tom Branson carefully rushed to Lady Mary's bedside just in time to catch her from falling limp to the ground off her bed, her own mother Lady Grantham unable to hold the sudden weight of her daughter's body, as if the weight of the world were suddenly pushing Mary down and the Dowager Countess staring powerless to help her granddaughter.

"Thank God, Tom." The Dowager said. Under normal circumstances, Tom would have been shocked not to hear "Branson" from the Dowager's mouth, but he understood this was not a moment for tradition or propriety on her part. She was simply a grandmother with a heart of concern for her eldest grandchild, "My dear boy, thank God you were here, if Mary had fallen this would have made this terrible moment even more than I could bear."

Tom had caught Mary in nick of time as to his own horrified dismay Mary's eyes rolled in the back of her head and her arms fell to her side. He held her body for a moment before gently shifting her back on the bed. He knelt to the floor, gingerly holding Mary's free hand. He looked down in sadness, seeing a sliver of Mary's own blood on the silk white skin of her palm. Cora grasped Mary's other hand, staring at Tom, her deep blue eyes welling with tears. He sighed to himself, trying to hold back his own tears, which up until this point had not come. Looking at Mary, Tom couldn't help but be reminded the last time he and Cora held one of the Earl's daughters in their arms together – dearest Sybil. _At least you will wake up Mary._ He thought to himself, tears coming full force as he finally met Cora's gaze.

Cora nodded at Tom, "Thank you Tom." A small and forced small briefly came to Cora's visage. Cora knew exactly what Tom as thinking and to her it was a small relief, that yes, her eldest daughter would wake up. Cora's heart ached for Sybil, who would've had such courage in this terrible moment. Sybil would have known what to say, and how to act in the awful moments and days that were going to face the Crawleys. Sybil just like Matthew, had always been able to break down Mary's stone cold walls.

Tom saw a reflection of his own thoughts in Cora's deep blue eyes. It was as if they were back at Downton on the night of Sybil's death. The moments of terror flashed before his eyes. Tom looked back at Mary, whom for him during those dark times had been seemingly the strongest of the Crawley's. Mary, although deeply saddened and heartbroken by the loss of her youngest sister had been unwavering in her strength and support of each member of the Crawley family – especially Tom. This included standing up to the Earl himself on multiple occasions. _Mary, you will need that strength now for yourself and your boy._ He thought to himself. Mary's face had drained of its color, her fire extinguished for a moment. "Oh God, Mary," he whispered under his breath "You must be strong."

Tom suddenly felt a hand on his shoulder it removed him from his thoughts. The grip was strong yet gentle "My dear boy Tom," The Dowager Countess of Grantham's voice was quiet, almost gentle in away, "Mary is strong…I honestly a bit surprised by her reaction. It was a little out of character, but not too unrealistic under the current circumstance. That said, our Mary will recover. She is a Crawley and we are never down for too long."

"Yes, she will recover," A gruff voice cleared his throat, Dr. Clarkson and a nurse appeared in the door. Carson and Anna in his shadow remaining in the hallway.

Anna let out a small gasp when she saw Lady Mary's body, white as a ghost. Her body looked so fragile lying unconscious in the bed. Carson graciously placed his hand on Anna's shoulder. "It will be all right child." He said in a whispered tone that only Mrs. Hughes seemed to use with her, "Lady Mary will be quite all right, she's been some tough scrapes as long as I've known her." He doubted the words as soon as the came from his mouth. Carson remembered it was his duty to stay put together. No crying. He needed to be strong the family that he loved.

Tom shuffled to his feet and out of the way of the approaching Doctor. Branson awkwardly stood by George's cradle. Despite the commotion, the little child remained asleep, stirring only occasionally. Little George was beautiful, God's little blessing, just like Sybbie had been.

"Ok thank heaven's Dr. Clarkson," Cora spoke, "Lady Mary was overcome when she heard the news. She gripped her hand so tightly that it bled." Clarkson took Mary's hand, "Nurse, some iodine please, and some small bandages," He began working, as if no one was else in the room and then he became suddenly aware of everyone staring at him. "Ahem," Looking around the room at the long faces, " Might I have a little privacy to examine Lady Mary."

"Doctor might I stay with my daughter and grandson?" Cora asked straightening up from her position.

"Of course," but everyone else, your presence at this time is unnecessary. You might as well be back at Downton prepping for Lady Mary and heir George's return." Stopping for a moment, "That is with one exception. Anna, you might want to stay to help with Lady Mary's things and be here to help with the child. Lady Mary should go home today, after breakfast most preferably."

Anna's heart sank a little. _At least I can be of some use to Lady Mary._ She thought.

Cora looked at the Dowager for assistance. In a way only the Dowager could muster "Of course, Doctor Clarkson should Lady Mary be coming home so soon?" Her eyebrow rose slightly with her voice at the end of the question.

"Lady Grantham, I assure you the best thing for mother and child is to be surrounded by family." Clarkson looked around, " It was good of all of you to come this morning, but there is nothing else we can do here at the hospital, that Lady Mary can't get in the comfort of her own home. Lady Mary's physically healthy. Her hand is just a scratch, which will heal very soon. There's no doubt, she's received a shock, and I think it best thing is that once she regains consciousness, that she gets settled in her home." Clarkson was quite adamant.

With that response, the Dowager rose to her feet, "Tom, will you be most kind to drive myself and dear Carson back to Downton, and then make the return trip for Lady Grantham, Anna, Lady Mary, as well as my grandson, your nephew?"

"Of Course, Milady…Violet, of course." Tom escorted the Dowager towards the exit.

Carson stood at Lady Mary's hospital door for a moment, feeling rather useless. "Lady Grantham, is there anything else you'd wish?"

Cora looked down and thought for a moment, "Carson, I am terrible sorry to have wasted your time but there is one thing you can do when you get back at Downton. Just in case, might you have Lady Mary's old bedroom made up. She may not want wish to spend the night alone in…" She trailed off, not wanting to finish her thought, "and also make sure Mrs. Hughes has briefed the staff on Lady Mary's condition. Be discrete though. We all must support each other through this terrible time."

"Yes, of course Milady, good idea." With that he nodded and exited the room.

Cora took the Dowager's former seat, and watched with concern as Dr. Clarkson cleaned and wrapped the small wound on Mary's right hand, and then examined her, checking her pulse, and lifting her eyelids. Cora sat with her hands clasped together looking at Clarkson. She realized that she was holding her breath, waiting for something to happen.

With Carson's absence, Anna felt the room grow cold. She couldn't bear to see Lady Mary in this state. Anna moved her gaze to the child, whose chest quietly rose and fell, sleeping through all the commotion, as if nothing was wrong with the world. Anna envied that child, not knowing the sadness that ensued his mother.

The room was heavy with silence and then all of a sudden, little George, awoke, letting out a wail to challenge his mother's from earlier. Instinctively, Anna picked the little creature up and began to soothe him with her voice.

Dr. Clarkson stood up from Lady Mary's side and looked at Cora, "Perhaps the child is hungry…his last feeding was a few hours ago, newborns require a lot of care. Does Lady Mary have a wet nurse arranged?"

"Dr. Clarkson, no, I don't think we've arranged someone yet. We assumed that Lady Mary would be all right. Rather pre-emptive and stupid on our part, I know. What are we going to do, with Lady Mary in this condition? Do you know of anyone in the village who we can call right away?"

Cora, Dr. Clarkson, and Anna suddenly turned toward the bed where a soft voice saying "No." had emerged. Lady Mary's eyes, red from the crying were open and stoic. She slowly sat up in the bed and looking at her mother, "My husband might be dead, but I am surely not." Her voice was quiet and bitter.

Cora rushed to her daughter, "My dear, we were just thinking it might be best to have a back-up plan in case, you need more time to recover."

Dr. Clarkson interjected, "Lady Mary you are physically healthy, it might be good to start to get into a routine," he looked at Mary, "Now that you are awake, I see no reason that you should not be able to nurse your own child."

Cora glanced at Anna, still trying to soothe the crying child. Lady Mary, looked down for a moment, waiting for her hands to stop shaking, "I mustn't disappoint Matthew" and looking up at Anna, she stretched her arms to take the child.

Lady Mary took the child. Her actions were instinctive, but the care and joy of holding this child seemed distant. Even the little boy in her arms seemed different. Lady Mary felt her body go numb, but intrinsically she knew what she had to do. She knew she had to go on and to care for this child. It was her duty. "Doctor, may I have some privacy as I nurse this child. Anna, can you start to gather my things, I would like to go home as soon as George is fed."

Dr. Clarkson nodded at Mary, "we'll have some breakfast brought up after you nurse the little one. You'll need to keep your strength up." Dr. Clarkson nodded at Lady Grantham and exited the room with Anna.

Cora looked on at Mary and her child, "I am staying with you my dear child. I am your mother after all." _I am not leaving your side Mary. I know you may not be American, and in matters of the heart you take after your father. I know there are feelings behind your emotional wall. _She thought to herself.

Mary did not protest her mother's presence. She herself went through the motions of nursing her child, who calmed down the moment he started to drink his mother's milk.

Mary looked blankly at her child. Cora feared this moment, when Mary would be utterly numb, cold. She remained at Mary's side, silently stroking Mary's hair and back, "Mama," she said quietly.

"Yes my darling?"

"I mustn't disappoint Matthew." She repeated from earlier. Mary looked up at her mother, her own mouth quivering and tears streaming down her face. "Oh Mama, how am I to be the mother this child needs when I feel dead inside. I feel nothing…" _but pain, anger, and hate toward myself._ The last words were silent, only spoken in Mary's heart. Mary started sobbing as her child continued to suckle milk.

As cold as Mary's words seemed, Cora knew Mary was hiding her true feelings inside, but Cora didn't know what they were, "Oh my dear," Cora wrapped her arms around Mary, "You will be a wonderful mother, the Mother Matthew knew you could be. At this moment, you feel whatever you need to feel, but don't hide those feelings from me."

Instinctively Mary tensed up, she couldn't let her mother know what she was feeling. Only God would know the self-hatred and despair that she was feeling.

Cora sensed the change in body language of her daughter. _All right Mary._ She thought, _I'll let you pretend you're fooling me right now, because you've been to hell and back this morning. But I will not let you stay there for long. _Cora knew she would need to be careful not to let her stoic and stubborn daughter retreat into herself, into the world of duty and not devotion; into a world devoid of emotion rather a world of love.

"Mary," Cora said firmly grasping her daughter's shoulders, "We are all here for you. Remember that, you will not go through this alone. Even Isobel asked after you last night before she retired. You are so loved my dear, most of all by me and your father. We can't fill the void that Matthew has left, but we can try. I will be by your side no matter what."

Her mother continued to chatter on, but Mary stopped listening. Her mind was racing. _Why bother with me Mama, we all know I am a lost soul. Matthew's death is in a sense my fault. I know this is fate's punishment on me for testing it so much. Oh God, why did it have to be Matthew. Why not me?! _Her thoughts paused for a moment. _Even in grief I am selfish. What a foolish selfish girl. _ She looked at George. _ I mustn't destroy this child, even though I've blown up his world already. _

"Mary," Cora repeated, "I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. But know as I look at you, I am proud of you and your strength in caring for George. You know, as an American I am keenly available to handle and support you through whatever emotions you are justly feeling. I won't pry just yet, but I know and love you."

Little George seemed to have his fill and his face beamed towards his mother, almost a goofy lopsided smile. _He looks like Matthew. _ Mary was paralyzed by the little creature in her arms. If she felt what she needed to in that moment, a floodgate would open again.

She did not know if the waters, once started, would not consume and drown her in a see of terror and sorrow.

As much as her mother meant well, Mary was alone in this. She felt of Andromeda, naked, cold, and chained to a cliff with the crashing seas beneath her and a sea monster of her own making getting ready to devourer her and torture her for the rest of eternity. If only Perseus was to there to rescue her. _Oh wait._ She thought. _I some how managed to kill Perseus before he could save me. Stupid, horrid girl._ Silent tears began to role down her cheeks; her mouth appeared as a tiny frown.

Mary handed the child to her mother and wiped the tears from her face. _You must get it together Mary._ She told herself. "Mama it was good of you to be here this morning. I'm sure you were dreading it from yesterday. You mustn't worry about me." She couldn't muster a smile, but she did manage to stop crying, "Mama, we must focus on George and honoring the memory of dear Matthew." Mary's voice was listless, her eyes and spirit totally deflated.

Cora looked startled at her daughter. The wall was up, higher and thicker than it ever had been before.

Too be continued….

_A/N Thanks for reading! Up next some reaction from the servants hall. And also, Julian Fellows is amazing. How does he do it? This was another hard chapter to write. Kudos to Downton for it's many Emmy nods :)!_


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